This is Us // Year 3 // The Marriage Chronicles V. 5
It’s hard to believe we are here, but yes, it’s truly been three years of marriage. Three filled-to-the-brim years of doing life with one another, the daily grind, simple mornings sipping coffee, ridiculous arguments, and seeing the world. We have rejoiced, lost, celebrated, and shared. I couldn’t love my husband any more than I do now. I thought I’d introduce myself here on the blog, and share some images from when I stepped in front of the lens, rather than behind it. I adore my husband for his “tough and tender” attitude towards life. I feel safe with him, and deeply loved by the way he takes care of me. He’s also a hoot and cracks me up! We took our own questionnaire below, and wanted to share some of our marriage journey.
How often do you get to have date nights? What does a typical date night look like?
Allie: Oh. It all depends if we make time for it. We like it all, from batting cages and fro-yo to lake days, to time at a spa. Kelly has gotten better and better with each passing year with the idea of date nights. In the beginning he thought every night we were together was a date night (costco runs, home depot, groceries and more). Now he gets that the pre-meditated part is important, even if we end up at Home Depot, at least we planned ahead to do something intentional.
Kelly: This one is a funny one, when Allie wrote this question for her couples, I think she had me in mind (hoping I would learn how to do this). My idea of a date was cutting firewood and having dinner, running errands and grabbing a salad from Chipotle. I think I am doing better and have learned how Allie feels cared for and pursued. I now know she wants something intentional, some time where I can slow down and just chat and enjoy time together.
What makes you most proud of your husband/wife?
Allie: Well, I could go on and on about how amazing he’s done at the fire department and how hard he works (and I’m so proud of all of that), but I think I’m the most proud of how he’s handled hard things that have come our way. I have loved seeing the man he is, leaning into Jesus, being so real and coming out of those unexpected trials stronger yet humbled.
I’m so proud of the man he is allowing God to mold him into.
Kelly: I am proud of her perseverance. She has overcome so much. She lived in a darn compound in Afghanistan during the peak of the war, she has traveled (much of it by herself) to more countries than most people are even aware exist and I convinced her to leave everything and move out to the woods of Southern Oregon without cell service and high speed internet. Her life is perseverance, I know that no matter what comes our way she will never give up on me or us, she will fight and fight to stay the course.
How have you dealt with suffering and challenges?
Allie: Our particular situation has us longing to become parents. It’s been a rough road. It’s been the most grief my heart has ever felt and I never knew I was capable to stand under such heartache. We’ve lost three little lives in early pregnancy and each time, somehow, some way God sustains us. He draws us near, gives us the permission to grieve and strengthens us with each passing day. Waiting can suck, big time, I mean it’s never been my strong suit nor my preference. God has a crazy way of teaching Kelly and I to trust in Him so gently.
Kelly: I feel like I am just starting to deal with it honestly. It has really made me process and deal with emotions that I have never experienced. I have felt like I am a failure as a man and the Lord has really shown me about his character by meeting us where we are, wherever we are. He has strengthened our marriage amidst so many tearful days, nights and lonely drives to work. He has taught me that He truly is good, which is something that I began to question when I began my career in the fire service. I know that God feels our hurt and shares our hope in the desert and that no matter what I felt he never turned his back away. As a young person, you never think it will take years to get pregnant and then not be able to carry. It’s one of those things that culturally we just don’t talk about that much. Of course, you find out peoples stories and struggles but we just don’t think it will be part of our story. It has caused me to think through so much, question things and work through issues of identity and purpose. Allie is a fighter, she constantly prays and battles amidst the hurt, pain and hardship. We are now closer than ever, because of what we’ve endured.
How does your spouse compliment you?
Allie: Oh my…he’s a voice of reason, a go getter, a let’s make you flourish kind of man. He tends to help me stay organized and on top of things in my life, especially with photography. Before marriage, I don’t know how I did life…I think I’d lose my left arm if it weren’t for him.
Kelly: She balances my work/project and home life. I have learned that I am quite particular about things and being efficient and productive. Allie reminds me to stop and look around and enjoy things for a minute, to be present in the moment.
What have you learned most from your husband or wife?
Allie: Wow, this is a hard one. He’s relentless, he fights for me and forgives quickly (not my strong suit). He calls me out on my sh*t, challenges me, loves me so well and fights for us. I’ve still got plenty to learn from this man.
Kelly: I’ve learned grace. Allison is an amazing woman. She is Godly, kind, smart, wicked funny, talented, creative and absolutely Gorgeous. There aren’t many people that are half the person that she is and still gracious. Whether I am a poor communicator (or at all), at work too much, forget to plan our first anniversary (we worked through it), or I am just a jerk (Penny and Lulu now have a “Kelly” section for sorry, honey, please have grace) or if we just aren’t on the same page she is always gracious.
What’s an ideal vacation for you both? Do you appreciate the same things or have different ideas of relaxation?
Allie: Well, a girls gotta love shoppin’! We love so much of the same things so it’s a blast to explore together and have a bit of downtime too.
Kelly: We both love to adventure and travel. Its a blessing that we are able to go and see the many places that we have together. We love going to Mexico and sitting on the beach, swimming, surfing and eating good food. We always joke that I traveled to the places that people want to see and Allie has been everywhere else on this planet. I still dream of elk hunts across the west as our vacation and fishing in Alaska, sometime soon she will join me on some of those adventures. Honestly, anywhere I go with her is fine by me.
I’m so grateful to walk alongside this man, no matter where live takes us. Here’s to many more years together of living and learning.