This is for You

Allie Harrington
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This is for you, it’s for all of you that have the patience to read this.

I was talking to a dear friend this morning and tears rolled down my cheeks as I listened to an all too familiar season of life. The longing, the disappointment, the anticipation, the hope, the doubt, the fear…to say that the season of trying to get pregnant is difficult is an understatement. It’s a silent battle that so many couples face and it’s not exactly light dinner convo. I know there are plenty of women who get pregnant and can plan the time of year and the months apart they’d like each child, but I also know that so many women don’t quite have that kind of ability. Plenty of women I know have walked through loss and those heart wrenching seasons of waiting, grief or the reality of knowing they will not be able to have biological children and may need to find another route.

I mean no one is excited to wait, let’s be real. Imagine showing up to a restaurant and learning that there’s an hour and a half wait time, or you’re anxiously awaiting important test results from doctors or you show up to your favorite ride at Disney and it’s zig zagging for what seems like miles, or the grocery store or the coffee line at starbucks…you get it, I could go on (clearly) and think of countless examples. There is never a fist pump and a whispered “yessss” when that something you want or need requires waiting. It’s just not fun. Where am I going with this, you ask? Well, I know SO many well intended, kind, caring people that ask what can come across as insensitive questions. Like, aren’t you going to have kids? You better get on that, you’re not getting any younger. News flash, every woman KNOWS she’s not getting any younger. If anything, you’re causing a little more stress with that kind of comment. If you ask someone on the dailiy+weekly if their pregnant and every time they answer no, it may be time to just trust that the individual WILL tell you if and when they get pregnant. You may see someones sick child and assume you know why they are sick. So many good intentions, but so many bad questions or accusations or advice that may not be helpful. You just never know, whether sickness, infertility, loss, financial trouble or waiting, sometimes it’s best to listen, pray and hold off from giving advice immediately. Empathy first, then compassion (taking action).

On the flip side of that, those of us that have gone through seasons that are trying, it’s helpful to give those well meaning folks a bit of a break. Not everyone knows the sting of loss, brokenness a marriage can experience, the heartbreak that trials can have on your family or the difficulty of being sick or how hard it is to be in the midst of waiting for what feels like FOREVER…so all of the people that give unsolicited advice, have a story to share that really doesn’t relate, or throw a verse at you…ARE JUST TRYING TO CONNECT. They are TRYING to relate in some way, even if they don’t know how or do a poor job of executing it. Some things come off as insulting, but that’s where grace upon grace comes in. That’s where patience comes in and that’s where seeing that their intentions are well meaning. To get absolutely pissed at every person who compares their not so similar situation to yours or to be easily offended by others will not help your own situation. It will make you bitter and hard hearted and angry and you’ll push away people that want to love you. Anything anyone says will become offensive to you. It’s just no way to live. So can we all just give one another a little more grace, love and patience. Can we listen before we subscribe all of the ways to fix the situation? And can those on the side of strife be patient, filter those incoming comments, and see the hearts and intentions? We will all be better for it.

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. … To love is to be vulnerable.”