Lessons In M O T H E R H O O D // You’re Enough
I didn’t think I’d have any kind of “who in the world am I?” crisis as I entered motherhood because I had waited and prayed and waited and lost and waited and hoped… and waited. I thought because of the long journey, I’d just be “ready”. Because of the life and adventures I had experienced, that I’d be ready. All of the waiting made me exempt from the struggle, didn’t it? Well, turns out that just wasn’t/isn’t the case.
My life before having Rowan feels so foreign and distant… and wildly unfamiliar. I wonder: “Wow, did I savor those grocery store trips like I should have”, or “Did I take for granted my jaunts to the other side of the world”, or “Did I really enjoy showering alone and taking a day to get ready if I wanted?” The list could go ON, we all know this.
I felt so connected, so involved, so social, adventurous… one thing I came to realize is that in this very season of mothering – the mundane, the monotonous, the messy and yes, the merry as well – that I felt too simplified. I felt as if the Lord wasn’t pleased with me and what my life had become. Is this enough, am I enough? Is He really pleased with the dishes, the diaper changes, the constant toy pickup, the child chasing, the messy house and the slow, playful mornings inside? Could He possibly be pleased with me after I went from so much pouring out and giving of myself to others to THIS? To an unproductive day, being so busy in doing what feels like so little? Clearly I know this isn’t the truth, but letting it sink into my heart was the issue.
I correlated my busyness to God’s delight. My pouring out and serving to Him being pleased with me. Well, as someone told me recently, “The Lord was just as pleased with you then as He is now. All of that wasn’t bad, it just isn’t present in this season and that’s okay.” My doing, my investing, my busyness wasn’t any better than what I’m doing now, even if it felt more important/fun/fulfilling/adventurous. I can so glorify busyness and feel as if I’m earning something.
God is teaching me that at the very end of myself, I find Him. All He wants is me… worn out, disheveled, tired, unimpressively accomplished – me. He wants to be my enough, to be who I am. My strength, my worthiness, my identity. And that’s right where I am, grasping and groping to just get bits of time with Him. To let Him speak what is true of me. To know the dreams are still there, the adventure is still there, even if it looks different at this second and season. That I can find joy in the simplified life of raising a little one. Park days and errands and naps and meals and play dates… that’s our sweet spot. I needed to receive it, that the Lord can and is pleased with me even though I’m not ______ (fill in the blank). My job right now is to love on a sweet nugget and do unto Him all things.
So, you mommas that are in the thick of life. That are in the routines and what feels like the simple-yet-busy, exhausting, joyous work of raising little people, I want you to know: YOU ARE ENOUGH. He is pleased with the work at hand. With the loving and snuggling of your littles, with the one errand a day kind of days, with the laundry piled high, the dishes undone, the hair messy and the house that feels far from clean. Right in it, HE DELIGHTS IN YOU.
Three ways that help me RESET from those underwhelming and overwhelming days as a mom.
- Write down and list or say the things I am grateful for. EVERY .SINGLE. TIME. This gets me. It works. It helps me reset, reframe and find joy in the simplest of things. It turns my attitude around and changes my heart. I think being able to be thankful gives us less to complain about.
- DO SOMETHING I enjoy… listen to music, take a walk, journal, exercise. Sometimes just getting to step back and do something you like, as simple as it may be, helps so much.
- GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA for a hot second. I find that when I’m in the midst of struggling with what I am, who I am, what I’m not accomplishing, how much or little I’m getting done, the simplicity of life… scrolling through social media only makes me long for what other people have more. It does absolutely nothing to pour joy into my life, it often times makes me feel like im missing out.